Jonesing for the NFL Life
We have all heard the phrase “keeping up with the Joneses,” but for the NFL Family this can be very dangerous. One of the first things I tell my clients is “contrary to popular belief everyone in the NFL is not a millionaire.” Matter of fact, most players are not millionaires and most won’t ever be in that tax bracket solely based on their NFL contracts. From private flights to the infamous red bottom shoe wall, the stereotypical NFL life can be every family’s dream. Honestly, who wouldn’t want to fly private? No pesky security lines or stress of fitting your entire life into 50 pounds or less. But the reality is sometimes flying commercial now prevents you from being broke later. The Athlete
Immediately after players declare for the draft, they are propelled into a life of temptation. From expensive watches or loan advancements for new cars, the stereotypical NFL life seems to be a dream come true. Most players are instantly persuaded by agents, homeboys, family members and even some NFL teammates that they should live like a baller. The irony in this is that most of those influencers who push for the elaborate lifestyle would not be able to live the lifestyle without the generosity of the player.
For the athlete, the pressure to live a lavish lifestyle is very real. They must have the latest Jordan’s and designer brands including the famous Louis belt. Yes clothes, cars and bags are important but the true burden comes from nightlife spending. During the lockout, several players flocked to Miami to train but to also party. We have all heard of “Liv on Sunday,” and Liv was definitely aware of all of the NFL money that was in town. Players spending between $7,000 and $10,000 on a table every weekend was the norm, and complaining about it was simply unacceptable. No one cares about “how their accounts are set up.” If they are in the club, then they are buying tables because once they become a NFL player the expectation of high end living is the new standard.
The Family
The athlete isn’t the only one facing the pressures of living high. NFL wives are judged by their bags, shoes, cars and even eyelashes. Yes even eyelashes! From elaborate weddings and discussions about who has the biggest ring, the standards are high even if your accounts are low. Eyes are watching and unfortunately this is the downfall of a lot of NFL families. Wives aren’t the only ones who fall victim to the extravagant life, family members and homeboys who all of a sudden can no longer take care of themselves and assume the player is now responsible for their existence are some of the biggest culprits in perpetuating the bravado.
The Reality
The truth is some players don’t learn that they can’t keep up with the Joneses until they are already knee deep in debt. Car payments, multiple mortgages, high credit card limits, and countless depreciating assets create unnecessary stress on both the athlete and the family. Someone who is making $500,000 a year can’t live the same lifestyle that someone who is making $10,000,000 a year without some pretty crafty investing. Unfortunately, I have witnessed it all from selling all they had to sending out mass texts to people they barely know asking for $20,000 loans.
The reality: Don’t let the time in the NFL be a waste. Become the Jones don’t try to keep up with them.
For more information on how to start a business or a nonprofit, email me at [email protected].
Tenisha Patterson Brown, Esq.
Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless
NFL Player Engagement Programs Focus on Life Beyond the NFL
Playing in the NFL is a dream for many but only attained by few. It is a small fraternity of men and their families that are connected forever. The NFL launched the NFL Families initiative that not only focused on active players but former players as well, and how they defined FAMILY. It’s more than adorable Dad-Do commercials and invigorating ads, the NFL Family initiative is bridging that gap between the images of fantasy players to seeing players as real people too! Part of this initiative includes the NFL Player Engagement (NFLPE) which focuses on three themes: Prep, Life, and Next.
NFL Prep is for high school and college student-athletes of all sports, and provides them with tools to help them succeed in life, focused on awareness, prevention, and education. NFL Life provides active NFL players with professional and personal development resources, “while supporting and educating players’ families to take full advantage of the opportunities afforded to them by their NFL experience.” NFL Next Legends “serve, equip, and empower former players and their families during the transition from their NFL experience and throughout their lives.” See www.nflplayerengagement.com for more information.
Many players have taken advantage of the various resources available through the NFL Player Engagement. However, there are some players who are completely unaware of the benefits of these resources during their career and in planning for their post-NFL career. From coaching boot camps to personal finance workshops, the Player Engagement programs prove to be worth it. Some programs are even open to spouses. See below for some of the programs scheduled for this year:
NFL BOOT CAMP PERSONAL FINANCE: April 4th-April 7th, 2016
This program will take place in Fort Lauderdale, Florida offering a relaxed learning environment for current and former players and their significant others. This year’s program will provide participants the opportunity to acquire knowledge that directly relates to their finances and lifestyles. Education will be provided by TD Ameritrade and the University of Miami’s School of Business Administration.
NFL BOOT CAMP SPORTS JOURNALISM & RADIO: April 14th-17th, 2016
Sports Journalism and Radio Boot Camp will take place at Bowling Green State University. This boot camp provides the opportunity for current and former players to enhance their writing skills, build journalism and radio portfolios, and receive on-site feedback and mentoring from ESPN Radio, Westwood One, and Bowling Green faculty. Following the completion of this boot camp, qualified candidates may have the opportunity to participate on ESPN Radio.
NFL BOOT CAMP ADVANCED BROADCASTING: May 16th - 19th, 2016
The NFL Advanced Broadcast Boot Camp takes place in Mt. Laurel, NJ at NFL Films and is open to those who have completed Broadcasting Boot Camp. This provides the opportunity to build on the foundation from previous training and strengthen broadcasting skills. This program provides increased knowledge and follow through with more possible job opportunities and internships.
NFL BOOT CAMP BROADCASTING: May 16th-19th, 2016
This year Player Engagement celebrates the 10th annual Broadcasting Boot Camp. Broadcasting Boot Camp provides players on-set training in broadcasting to build experience and determine interests. Players can explore multiple on-air job functions in television/media. Key learnings include: Tape study, show preparation, field reporting, and production meetings.
Bill Walsh NFL Minority Coaching Fellowship
Providing talented minority coaches an opportunity to observe and participate during NFL OTA’s, mini and training camp and assist them in gaining experience to pursue a full-time NFL coaching position.
Resources
MyGoalline.com
In this site, you will find information about your benefits as an NFL player. These benefits protect you while you play, help ease the transition to life and work after football, and provide a base upon which to build for your retirement. We believe that, overall, these benefits are the best available in professional sports. https://www.mygoalline.com/
All Pro Dads
Our message will inspire you to embrace who you are, give you tenderness of heart, and boldness of character as a dad and husband. We are consistently here for you to provide guidance and practical tips in raising your kids in a life giving way. http://www.allprodad.com/
NFL Foundation
The NFL Foundation is the league’s nonprofit organization representing the 32 NFL clubs. Its mission is to support the health, safety and wellness of athletes, youth football and the communities which support our game. http://www.nflfoundation.org/
Professional Football Wives Association
The Professional Football Wives Association (PFWA) was founded on a mission comprised of three basic tenets: Faith, Family and Football. PFWA's mission is to be a faith based organization that promotes unity and friendship among football wives, fiancées, and girlfriends, that positively redefines the stereotypes of NFL families, and that serves as a support system for women of the NFL. http://www.profootballwives.org
Don’t see a program you like? Contact the NFL Player Engagement office at www.nflplayerengagement.com for more information.
“Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.” - Benjamin Franklin
For more information email me at: [email protected]!
Tenisha Patterson Brown, Esq.
Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless
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Taking Time to Enjoy the Grind
As budding entrepreneurs or established businesswomen, we often push ourselves to the limit for the sake of the “grind.” We feel like there’s simply not enough time in the day although we know if we were given just another hour, we would fill it up with another task. By nature we are multitaskers and especially when we become mothers, but sometimes we spend so much time worrying about others and our respective businesses that we forget about ourselves. Yes I’m all about the grind but I have to constantly remind myself of the old age idiom “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”
According to numerous research studies on occupational health overwork and the resulting stress, results in health problems include but are not limited to: impaired sleep, heavy drinking, depression and heart disease.
Several studies have been performed about the dangers of overworking but the one that stood out the most was conducted by the Harvard Business Review entitled The Research is Clear: Long Hours Backfire for People and Their Companies. This concept can be applied to business and to home life. Overworking is a common theme for our generation whether driven by personal success or the fear of being outdone.
We believe that by working longer or spending more time harping over a particular issue, that somehow it will result in a better outcome. However the opposite is true. According to numerous research studies on occupational health overwork and the resulting stress, results in health problems include but are not limited to: impaired sleep, heavy drinking, depression and heart disease.
Honestly, as I read through the article I was shocked. How is it possible that extending your hours into the late night results in such dramatic health issues? I quickly recalled that overworking is in fact the opposite of the doctor’s orders. Everything we have been told in the past to live a healthy life is the complete opposite of the constant grind mode. Our grind mode fails to account for necessities such as proper sleep and nutrition. If you are unbothered by the potential health risks, the fact that longer hours doesn’t always equate to better results should concern you. The purpose of working longer is to accomplish more. However, this is not always the case. Apparently, working too hard leads to diminishing returns simply because as you become more tired, you start making more mistakes (the kind of mistakes you don't make when your mind is fresh).
As an attorney and entrepreneur, I had to learn this lesson the hard way. My drive to have successful businesses was actually harming them. I was a one-woman show and when I was not at my best, neither were my companies. After months of late nights and neglecting my personal life, I realized that working well into the night every night was neither beneficial for my businesses or for my marriage. I was forced to develop boundaries because my passion was becoming my burden. When creating your own business, it's difficult to take a step back because it is your baby. You want to see it grow! However, it's crucial to learn when it’s quitting time.
I have heard several of my colleagues and friends say that they can enjoy life once they have achieved their goals. The problem with this mentality is that it lives for the future which is uncertain, not guaranteed. The here and now should take priority. After speaking with several successful people that are at or close to retirement age, the most common regret they had was not enjoying life when they were younger. So I challenge all “grinders” to continue your grind but take some time to enjoy it!
For more information on business devleopment or for business advice, contact me at [email protected].
Tenisha Patterson Brown, Esq.
Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless
Q&A with NFL Wife Geeta Bishop: "The Better Half"
This week's WAG Feature Wednesday is with Geeta Bishop, the amazingly talented and intelligent wife of NFL Super Bowl XLV Champ, Desmond Bishop. Geeta and I connected because of our similar entrepreneurial mission (which we discuss in the interview). She is the creator of The Better Half, a Wisconsin-based talkshow featuring the better halves of the Green Bay Packers. She also wrote and self-published a book with her husband called Life Actually. The two recently had a son and we have plenty of adorable photos to share! Look out for Geeta and all her big plans for the WAGS community. Read the interview below...
NFL WAG Stats
Name: Geeta Bishop
Husband: Desmond Bishop
Husband is Active or Retired: Active
Tenure in the NFL and Teams: This will be our 9th year. Drafted to the Packers (6 years), Vikings, Cardinals, 49ers
Children: Son, Desmond II (15 months)
Favorite Food: A really good salad!
Music on your playlist right now: I’m really into Priyanka Chopra who is the star of Quantico. She was Miss World 10 years ago and is a huge Bollywood star.
Hobbies: I don’t really have time for hobbies at the moment.
Interesting Facts: I’m the first in my family to marry outside of my race.
"I’ll do whatever it takes to allow him to live his dream because he’ll do whatever it takes to allow me to live my dream." - Geeta Bishop, NFL wife
Q&A
LM: I started reading your book Life Actuallyso I'm learning of your upbringing. Tell the readers where you’re from and a little about your childhood.
GB: I’m from California. I was raised in a super strict and sheltered household where you had to get straight As or you would be in trouble. My parents were immigrants from India so their life goal was to make sure their children went to great schools and were successful. My siblings and I all went to UC Berkeley. I was President of my high school class and so were my brothers. My siblings and I were all Rally Commissioners. I didn’t even date anyone until I met Desmond. I liked other guys before him but I was scared to date.
For several years, I was super secretive about who I was dating. For one, it wasn't ideal that he played football. There's such a stigma that athletes are bad. What you see in the media is that these athletes are not good guys. It took a long long time for my family to see where I was coming from and who Desmond was. They wanted me to marry a nice Indian guy who understood the culture. It took them a long time but eventually they came around and now they love Desmond! You can’t meet Desmond and not love him. He’s seriously one of the greatest human beings alive. He’s the best dad!
LM: Give us the details on how you and Desmond met.
GB: We attended the same high school in California and met the last day of our senior year. He had seen me at the Senior Award banquet the night before and saw that I had received numerous awards and scholarships. He approached me and said, “Can I shake your hand because you had a lot of awards last night?” I responded, "Do you play basketball or something?" because he was so tall. He told me he played football. After we exchanged a few words, I told my friend, "I think that guy likes me" and she responded, "There’s no way he likes you. He's a big time football player. He's like famous.” I dropped it and didn't think about it any further.
At graduation, we ended up sitting next to each other because of our last names. After graduation, I went to grad night and he went too. Every time I turned around he was right there! He kept trying to talk to me so I finally said, “I’m sorry but I’m going to Berkely. I’m not interested.”He even had his friend try on his behalf: "Give my guy a chance. He really likes you." The funny part about this was that the friend who approached me used to bully me in junior high. I thought, "Desmond hangs out with this guy? There's no way I'm talking to him." I told his friend, “Tell him to come talk to me himself.”
When Desmond approached me, I repeated the same story: “I’m just not interested in dating guys.” I was really focused on my future at Berkeley.
He went on a search to find my phone number. I found out that my best friend gave given him my number. She was in our wedding. I was so mad at her at the time for giving him my number and she said, “Why? He has a girlfriend!” I called him and said I would tell his girlfriend. He pleaded with me and said they were no longer dating. After I heard that I never wanted to speak to him or have anything to do with him again.
Fast forward to the summer. I was taking summer classes to prepare for Berkeley and he was in the same class to make up credits. I would see him everyday but not talk to him. Then he started handing me poems everyday. One day, he handed me a CD and told me to listen to it. It was a song he made called "Someone To Love" and it ended up being our first dance song at our wedding. After that, we started talking and eventually dating.
To this day, we have a running joke about how we met. He claims I was into him first but everyone knows it was the other way around!
Read Geeta's interview with Pro Players Insider here.
LM: You're a new mom! How has motherhood changed you?
GB: Man. I can’t even look at the world the same anymore. I worry, love and care so much about this little human that has barely said words. It’s difficult to explain in words how we feel about this little boy. We had a tough time gtting pregnant and I had a miscarriage previously so we consider him our angel! There’s nothing better than being a parent.
LM: Talk about your mission as an entrepreneur?
GB: My mission as an entrepreneur has always been to do right by others. Why not feel good about what you’re doing and empower each other to be better! Imagine if all the women in the world supported one another rather than acting as competition. Instead of adopting the attitude "I'm better than you" or "I created this therefore I know more than you," how about supporting each other? Indian women have reached out to me because I married an African American man. It’s a tough road in our culture to date outside of our race. They'll message me about that and ask for advice. The clothing line I’m in the process of creating, Mini Me, will donate 50% of the profits to charity. It’s not about the money. Everything I do is based on empowering others.
LM: What is the most satisfying thing you have accomplished to date?
GB: My son! He's everything! He's my husband and I combined.
LM: What has been the most challenging part of being an NFL wife?
GB: I think the most challenging aspect is moving so much and not having stability in where we go, the unknown. That doesn't outweigh the greatness you feel when your husband is living his dream! Desmond is living his dream. I’ll do whatever it takes to allow him to live his dream, because he’ll do whatever it takes to allow me to live my dream.
LM: What about being an NFL wife gives you a life perspective unique to other women?
GB: My answer is two-fold. It’s different because we do have to allow our guys to put something before us in a lot of ways. I remember to this day that Desmond had a game when I miscarried. He didn’t have to but I wanted him to go to the game! There was nothing for him to do at home; I could handle it. Women are strong enough to handle any challenges God puts in our path.
At the same time we’re normal, we’re frugal, and we want to do what’s best for our kids. We’re different but we’re the same. You have to be selfless in many ways. That’s why you have to rely on the women. You have to rely on the other NFL women to be there.
LM: What do you hope will come out of your experience as an NFL wife?
GB: There’s nothing I hope will come out of my experience. I just really try to support my husband. That in itself is huge. Most people don’t even get to the professional level. My husband has been playing almost a decade.
LM: Tell us about any upcoming projects you have.
GB: I’m working on taking my show The Better Half national. I’m in the process of developing my clothing line Mini Me. We also have a burger spot we’re trying to open in San Francisco. My husband grew up in Bayview Hunters Point, a lower income area that is becoming gentrified. We’re taking it upon ourselves to give something great back to the area.
I’m also really into making my own products. I'm Indian so I have many home remedies. For example, my son had an ear infection one time and I didn’t want to give him the ear infection medicine because I have read bad things about it. My mother told me to fry garlic with mustard oil, let it cool, and put it in my son’s ear. I followed her instructions and when we returned to the doctor a couple days later, the ear infection was gone. This inspired me so much! I want to create products like organic diapers and shampoos (similar to The Honest Company). These are just things I enjoy doing.
LM: Where can the people find out more about you/follow you
GB: You can follow me on Instagram @geetacb or Twitter @geeta_c
-LM
YOU SAY HOBBY, I SAY POTENTIAL BUSINESS!
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image="1976" img_size="large"][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]We all have that one thing that we love to do. Whether it’s making candles or interior design, there is something that not only comes naturally but is far from a burden. For me it is writing. I love to write but I am also very conscious about how I divvy up my time. With three businesses, clients and employees to manage, and a household to take care of, my extracurricular activities have to serve double duty. This is the case for many women.
Turning a hobby into a lucrative business is not only doable but can be very rewarding. I have the pleasure of personally knowing women who have taken hobbies that they loved and turned them into reputable businesses.
Love Lucy Candles
Rockhelle Johnson, owner and artisan of Love Lucy Candles, started mixing fragrances and pouring 100% all natural soy-candles for fun. She sent her hand-crafted candles to her family and friends as Christmas gifts, and immediately received rave reviews. She began to receive request after request for her custom candles. After receiving orders to a company that had not yet been created, she quickly realized that she needed to listen to her future customers but more importantly to her heart. She works full time in the heart of Capitol Hill but she did not want to succumb to the demands of her job and pass on this opportunity. Making candles was something that she enjoyed so she used what she learned from working with high level e-commerce and started Love Lucy Candles, affectionately named after her mother who she lost as a college student. Love Lucy Candles celebrated its two year anniversary in July and is booming in the DMV area. Visit www.lovelucycandles.com for more information!
Allusions by A. LeKay
Altrichia Cook, owner and designer of Allusions by A. LeKay, simply wanted a swimsuit that hid her scars that she acquired on her journey to motherhood. She asked a seamstress to create her design for a beach vacation. She posted her photos on her social media accounts and her swimsuit was an instant hit. After receiving countless questions about her swimsuit, particularly because it was high-waisted, she realized that other women were having the same issue. So she created more designs and the company Allusions by A. LeKay was born. Altrichia has a full time job and is very active in her community but that didn’t stop her from turning her small brand into a household name. In only two years, she has presented her work at the Mercedes Benz New York Fashion Week, has won several business awards, has been in well-known magazines, and has had her designs worn by countless celebrities including Nicki Minaj. Visit www.allusionsbyalekay.com for more information!
Lainie Bug’s Boutique
Kristle Pressley, owner/designer of Lainie Bug’s Boutique and fellow NFL WAG, loves shopping and dressing her daughter Lainie. One of her top priorities was protecting her feet when she first started to walk. She wanted something that would be stylish and comfortable but more importantly that gave her daughter the freedom to let her natural step progress. She discovered moccasins and instantly fell in love. She quickly realized that she could create a brand that would help mothers just like her. Her genuine cow leather moccasins are handmade and are shipped from her home in Atlanta, GA. Lainie Bug’s Boutique recently had its grand opening and it’s already making a splash in the Atlanta area. Visit www.lainiebugs.com for more information.
The Painted Pretzel
Raven Thomas, owner/creator of The Painted Pretzel and fellow NFL WAG, was a stay at home mom when she created her first painted pretzel. She sent her decadent pretzels to family and friends as gifts for the holiday to save money. She was immediately swarmed with requests for more pretzels. Within months she had more orders than she could handle. Her products were featured in Neiman Marcus department stores, Sam’s Club and other big box stores. After having to turn down a $2 million order from Sam’s Club, Raven appeared on the hit television show Shark Tank where she landed a deal with Dallas Maverick’s Owner, Mark Cuban. She went from $75,000 in sales to over $1 million after appearing on the show. Raven’s motivation for pursuing her company was her sons. She wanted to show them that they could achieve whatever was in their hearts. Visit www.thepaintedpretzel.com for more information.
The common theme among all of these women is the will to take an idea and turn it into something bigger. When telling their stories, each woman speaks about conquering fears and stepping out on faith. They pushed the fear of failure to the side and focused on doing what they loved. Raven said it best "the worst thing you can do to a great idea is allow it to die in the same place it was conceived: in your heart." I encourage you to take a step of faith and turn that hobby into a business!
For more information on business development or for business advice, contact me at [email protected]
Tenisha Patterson Brown, Esq.
Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
Entrepreneurship: Creating Your Own Lane
When your significant other has little control over his career and what city he will be in at any given time, being an entrepreneur is a viable option for working women who also want to be the necessary support system for their partner.
We live in a time when women have created and run over 10 million companies, offer over 19.1 million jobs, and continuously make the Forbes Top 100 list. This trend continues with women who live in the football world. We are long past the time where it was a requirement for wives, fiancées, and girlfriends to be merely the women behind the player or coach. Instead of relying on the uncertainty of the game, we are taking our financial future into our own hands.
The most successful entrepreneurs don’t become entrepreneurs for great wealth but instead to pursue a passion or fulfill a need. Sara Blakely, creator and founder of the world-renowned Spanx brand, is a prime example of a woman creating an empire out of necessity. Blakely, now a billionaire, started the Spanx brand because she needed a hosiery that she could wear under her tan dress pants that wouldn’t show lines. She created her prototype and then set out to acquire one customer at a time to not only sell her product but to sell her story. Blakely is one of many women who decided to give up the 9-5 grind for the benefit of someone else and instead invest that time in themselves. The path to becoming an entrepreneur isn’t easy but if you have the willingness to put in the work, then it is completely feasible.
There are several paths that you can take to achieve your entrepreneurial goal but here’s a quick guide to start your journey towards becoming a true boss:
Discover your passion. We have all heard the phrase “if you do something you love, you will never work a day in your life.” This axiom holds true. When you have passion for something you don’t mind putting in the necessary efforts to be a successful entrepreneur. You have a willingness to work, to be tired, and to grow your brand. You must have passion to achieve success.
Create a plan. You can have a great idea but if you never take action then it goes to waste. Write your vision and make it plain. Writing down your plan not only gives you an idea of how to bring the vision into fruition but it also holds you accountable.
Build a Team. Every successful entrepreneur has at least one person in their corner helping them along the way. For Blakely, it was her husband. For others, it can range from a family member to an associate that is in the industry of interest. Whomever you choose to be on your team, make sure that they share in your vision and have a willingness to work hard to achieve a common goal.
Dream Big but Spend Small. One of the biggest mistakes that new entrepreneurs make is spending too much money too soon. There will always be an initial investment and it may take time to actually turn a profit, however, there are aspects of the business that you can save money on by simply doing it yourself. How will you know when you can afford to contract out certain aspects of your business? When your time becomes more valuable than the contract for the task.
Never Give Up. Being an entrepreneur is tough. Your business begins and ends with you. However, that means you are in control of your future. Not everything will go as planned, but if you stay focused on your goal then it will work out fine. Your business will take hard work and commitment, but never let anyone deter you from your dream.
Becoming an entrepreneur was one of the toughest and most rewarding things I have ever done. There’s truly nothing like being your own boss. As an entrepreneur, your business is your baby and it is a true blessing to watch it grow.
For more information on business development or how to become a successful entrepreneur, contact me at [email protected].
Tenisha Patterson Brown, Esq.
Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless
On The Job Training: Challenges & Benefits of Working with Your Spouse
Working together as husband and wife is not only appealing but a “#relationship goal” for most couples. Working with your spouse has both its challenges and benefits and is true “on the job training.” You are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, believing that everything will be smooth sailing. However, the nostalgia of working with your spouse quickly changes when met with your first adversity. My husband and I own two businesses together that challenge us on a professional and personal level. I discussed with him some of the challenges we face as business partners and some of the benefits. Here are a few of the common themes:
Learning when to turn off business and switch to personal.
I have spoken with several couples who constantly face this particular issue. If you are trying to start a business or grow a business, learning when to turn it off is challenging. It is a constant battle between the drive to be successful and the need to nourish your marriage. This will be an ongoing issue if you don’t set boundaries. A tactic that my husband and I use is setting a shut off time at night and during meals. We started one business prior to getting married and the other after we were married. Both required an enormous amount of time and we were not prepared for how it affected our relationship. We found ourselves talking to one another about business and missing the key details about our married life. We had to make a change because the frustrations of daily business was spilling over into our regular lives. Setting the shut off time was clutch in restoring peace in my household.
Balancing business responsibilities between both parties.
Like any partnership, including a marriage, there will be times that one partner will be doing more than the other. This is the natural flow of a partnership. When my husband and I started our first business it was during season and he missed the entire start up process. From construction to grand opening, it was a tough journey with only one person in the daily grind. I was forced to put my legal career on the back burner and fully commit to the new business. We didn’t expect it to be so difficult to release control over what we had worked so hard to build. I also didn’t realize it would be so challenging to allow him to help me once he returned after the season. I spent so much time putting systems in place and I had to make a conscious effort to allow him to be a part of the process. He also had to understand that although I was doing most of the work, that didn’t mean I was his employee. We are still in the process of learning how to balance the responsibilities but for the most part I deal with the employees and logistics, and he handles the marketing and sales.
Blurred lines between business and personal relationship.
Dealing with blurred lines between our business and personal relationship is one of the biggest challenges we face. If you are passionate about your businesses, at times you will allow the issues to affect how you treat one another. Being upset with your spouse over a decision concerning employees shouldn’t equal a night on the couch. Admittedly, when we first opened our restaurant I found myself treating my husband more like a colleague than a spouse even when discussing personal matters. I didn’t know how to turn off business mode. This was a huge issue that needed to be rectified. We established a check system. Any time we feel like we are overstepping boundaries, we quickly check one another and remember to not take the “checking” personal.
Working with someone you genuinely trust.
Although there are some challenges to working with your spouse, the benefits outweigh the trials. Trust is reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, and surety of a person or thing. If you trust someone, you have a certain level of confidence that they will remain loyal and will not betray you. We started our first business before we were officially husband and wife, actually before we were engaged. Our decision to move forward before saying “I do” was met with harsh criticism and scrutiny. We were both questioned about the security of creating such a “permanent” professional relationship by our family and friends while the status of our personal relationship was in question. We both knew that even if we never got married, we respected and trusted one another professionally so we didn’t see any issues with co-owning a business. We genuinely trust one another which not only helps in the decision-making process but also with financial management.
Both parties have a vested interest and are working towards a common goal of improving the family.
In business it is difficult to find someone who shares your vision. You will have those individuals who are supportive of your idea or concept but when the time comes to act, their enthusiasm is lack luster. In contrast, your spouse has a vested interest in your success. Your success equals success for the family as well. If you and your spouse have a common goal of a profitable business, it not only benefits the business but also the family unit.
Balance of strengths and weaknesses.
Most often your business relationship with someone mirrors your personal relationship. As I stated above it is very difficult to create clear lines between the business issues and the personal issues. However, if you have a healthy personal relationship it is easier to have a successful business partnership. The very things that make a successful marriage or relationship are also critical aspects to a successful business partnership such as: communication, respect, trust, positive conflict resolution, and compatible financial values. These attributes can easily translate to your business relationship and result in a happier home.
The key to a successful partnership is sharing the vision and a willingness to compromise. Yes, there are challenges to working with your spouse but it is worth it. It is an opportunity to work towards a common goal and to strengthen your bond. I encourage couples, if you have a chance to work with your spouse, take advantage of it even if it is a small project. I’m positive you will achieve more working together than as individuals.
For more information on business development or for business advice, contact me at [email protected]
Tenisha Patterson Brown, Esq.
Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless
Q&A with NFL Wife Nicole Jennings: "Self-Care Should Be Top of Mind"
This week's WAG Feature Wednesday is of the beautiful and ambitious Nicole Jennings. Nicole and I connected through an NFL women's prayer group after she learned of my blog. Being two like-minded entrepreneurs, we decided to partner up by assisting each other in our businesses. Nicole is a mother of four, wife to a 10 year NFL veteran, co-founder and President of the Greg Jennings Foundation, and business owner. I was able to catch up with this busy lady to discuss how she manages to juggle it all! Read more below...
NFL WAG Stats
Name: Nicole Jennings
Husband: Greg Jennings
Husband is Rookie or Veteran: Veteran. 10th season (Drafted to Packers, Vikings, Dolphins)
Children: Amya (8), Alea (6), Ayva (4), and son Aice (2)
NFLWAG: 10 years
Places You've Lived in with NFL: Green Bay and Minnesota
Off Season Home: Minnesota
Favorite Food: Pizza (Supreme)
Music on your iTunes: I’ve got a worship mix (Christian), slow jams mix, old school Gerald Lavert mix, and Beyonce/Rihanna mix
Hobbies: Working out (cardio, weightlifting, road bike, spin class) and working on my business. I love what I do so I don't consider it work. It's fun to me!
Interesting Facts: I have a nursing degree and I started my Masters in Nonprofit Leadership; I'm now focusing on being a business owner.
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We are afforded an awesome platform to project the things that are important to us like our faith, women empowerment, and youth and education." - Nicole Jennings
Q&A
LM: Where are you from originally and how did you get to where you are now?
NJ: I’m originally from Kalamazoo, Michigan. I’m in Minnesota now solely because of my husband.
LM: How did you and your husband meet?
NJ: We met in 6th grade and went to 8th grade and senior prom together. We attended Western Michigan together and got married our junior year in college.
LM: You and your husband have been married 10 years! Congratulations! That is a feat for anyone but definitely in this NFL life. How have you two been able to make it work? What makes you different?
NJ: Soon to be 11 years! I don’t think that we’re any different than anyone. Everyone has their own struggles. We’re really rooted in our faith. That’s definitely what has kept us going in tough times. Once we made that decision to spend the rest of our lives together, that was it. We’re in this. We grew up together. I know him and his heart and he knows me and my heart.
LM: What is your advice to NFL women as we head into football season?
NJ: As we’re taking care of everybody else, make sure you take care of yourself. That’s the premise behind my business. Women are always doing things for their husbands and kids and putting everyone else’s needs before their own. Before you know it, you’re not okay and you’re not fine. Never overwhelm yourself to the point where you forget about yourself. When you feel good, that makes you a better wife and mother. Self-care should be top of mind.
LM: What is your love advice to women?
NJ: My love advice is simple…it’s Scriptural. First Corinthians 13:4: Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not jealous or rude…it’s gentle... keeps no record of wrongs…rejoices in the truth…If it’s honest and true, that’s how you know it’s love.
LM: Tell me more about your children.
NJ: They are some energetic little people who keep us on our toes. My oldest is 8 and wears the same size as I do. She’s my mini me. My second is most like her father (she’s very kind and particular about things). My middle child is the baby girl and she acts like the baby girl. My son is two and he’s a mommy’s boy. He knows when he gets in trouble to come to mommy because she won’t do anything about it. He always compliments me: “Mommy, I like your nail polish,” “Mommy, you so beautiful.” He’s a mini Greg so I know I’m in trouble.
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LM: How has motherhood changed you? Has it had an impact on your relationship with your husband?
NJ: Motherhood has changed me because there’s more to care about than myself. It’s matured me and made me have to think outside the box, especially having four children. Traveling with four is no joke. It has made me extremely organized, and also helped me to realize I can’t do it all by myself. I needed help! We hired a nanny to assist me when my husband is gone. From a marriage standpoint, it’s made us more connected. If there was ever a reason not to throw in the towel, they [the kids] would be it.
LM: What’s a typical day look like for you?
NJ: There’s no such thing as a typical day! Every day is different. I wake up and get the kids up. I like to start my day with meditation or prayer time to get my mind right for the day. It doesn’t always happen, but I can tell a difference whenever I am unable to have that “me” time in the morning. I am an avid workout person. I try to exercise before I drop the kids off at school and before I head into work. After the work day, we pick up the kids and head to their extracurricular activities. Generally, we have to split up because of the kids’ age differences. After activities, we come home, do homework, dinner, bath, and they’re in the bed by 8:00 p.m. Saturday anything goes. Sunday is game day so we are either at the game or heading somewhere to watch the game. That’s a makeshift type of day. Sometimes I’m traveling.
LM: Tell me more about your online boutique, The Posh Mommy, and how it all started?
NJ: The Posh Mommy (TPM) started because of what I mentioned before about self care. It was our contract year in Green Bay and it was a fairly stressful time. I looked in the mirror and asked myself, “Are you only a wife? Are you only a mother? Who are you? What is your passion?” I felt like there were so many women out there across the various professional sport leagues who had to feel the same way. I reached out to some other football, baseball, and basketball wives and TPM was born! We consign designer wear and a portion of the proceeds go back to charity. Understanding where we come from, we’re blessed to be where we are and need to be a blessing to others. I wanted to be able to reach women who need a little bit of empowerment. A posh mommy comes from within, not the outside. If you look good, you feel good, if you feel good, you do good, and all is well.
The Posh Mommy is currently online but I have been busy preparing for the grand opening of our first storefront in Minnesota. We are offering different benefits like classes on styling for pregnant women. Being pregnant is a very awkward time for many. I know for me, I hated being pregnant. I loved having my children but disliked being big. Now, I have tips to share. We are looking into postpartum classes for moms and making sure there is balance there. The goal is to be a resource for women. The Posh Mommy is so important to me. I love it! I try to tell women: Follow your passions and don’t fall behind and get in a shadow. Follow your dreams as well as you help your husband and kids follow theirs.
**UPDATE: Look for The Posh Mommy storefront Grand Opening in Minnesota!**
LM: You are the President and Co Founder of the Greg Jennings Foundation. How have you been able to run the foundation and TPM at the same time?
NJ: Well, I handed over the daily operations stuff to my sister-in-law. I’m still the President and I make all the final decisions, but Greg’s sister now runs the day to day. That was challenging for me in the beginning because I’m a control freak, but she’s a lot like me so I know she can handle the role. I don’t think I could manage the Foundation and TPM without her. That’s been a blessing.
LM: What is your advice for aspiring entrepreneurs?
NJ: I would say don’t go alone. Don’t dive into it alone. You definitely need a support group and a work life balance. For me, posh is my baby. I don’t want it to always be an investment and I want it to be profitable. However, because it’s my passion, I can get so enthralled with it that I feel overworked. Sometimes it’s like, “Oh, yeah the kids are home,” or “Maybe I should cook a meal.” It’s a blessing to have a husband who will remind you because mine definitely does. He called in a sitter the other day and we went to a hotel and hung out. He said, “You do NOT bring your phone,” to which I responded, “Well, what if I get an order?” He had to explain to me that potential customers would be fine for the next twelve hours or whatever. Definitely find that work life balance and get a support group.
LM: What is your advice for NFL families who want to start a business, or is it the same advice as above?
NJ: It wouldn’t differ. I try not to differentiate myself and NFL families from other families. It’s when people try to differentiate themselves that they think they’re better than others. That’s one thing that we definitely try not to do in our family. I don’t like to put a label on us. Football is what my husband does, not who he is. Our problems may be different because of what he does but issues are issues regardless of who you are.
LM: What are the pros and cons of being married to an NFL player?
NJ: Pros – We are afforded an awesome platform to project the things that are important to us like our faith, women empowerment, and youth and education. People listen and want to talk to us because of what my husband does. We’re trying to use that as much as we possibly can. Another perk is the fact that my husband is living out his dream. Being able to support him and having been there from 6th grade to see it all the way through…it’s like “Wow! Look at God!” To be as young as we are at 32 and have lived more than most people would in a lifetime is a definite blessing. We are able to support our family on different levels. We’re not in need of anything. We provide our children with the best we have to offer...life experiences...travel outside of the country...all of my children have passports. There are adults who have never left [the country]. That’s something that’s been huge for us to be able to pour into them.
Cons – Media perception in my eyes. The things that are portrayed to others. Stereotypes. I think that’s definitely not fair to put everyone into one basket. There were times in my life when I’m glad there was no cameras around. It’s not fair to exploit someone’s downfall and I think it happens to us [NFL families] on a regular basis. Another thing is boundaries. People are so enthralled with what the guys do on Sunday that they forget they are real people. They want time with their family. Women fans do some strange things occasionally. Boundaries can just become a little skewed and people forget these players are human.
LM: You and Greg are open about your faith and you even mention being a devoted Christian on The Posh Mommy website. What’s it like being a Christian in today’s world?
NJ: For me, it’s evolved. At first, you want to blend in. You don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Now with the age I am and the year we are in this league, it is what it is. There’s a heaven and hell. It’s white and black; there’s no grey area with God. We enjoy being a light in a dark place. Are we perfect? Not by any means. We have lived and learned and can provide a testimony. We are striving to be more Christ-like everyday. It’s not hard for us but quite enjoyable because we know we’re doing the will of our Father. Greg's dad was a pastor but it's been nice developing our own faith for our family. We don’t do denominations. We’re about the Kingdom. It’s about doing the will of God. It’s been good to foster that with our kids.
LM: How has your faith played a role in the raising of your children?
NJ: It’s something that we have poured into them from day one. We talk about God and do prayer every morning in the car. We each say a prayer and some of them are quite funny. They pray for some funny stuff sometimes but hey, it’s conversation with God. We pray every single day in our house. I’m the one praying for the kids before school with blessed oil for their foreheads.
LM: What would you like people to know about you?
NJ: That is deep. I think the biggest thing is that I’m about unity across all levels, whether it’s women, families, etcetera. I feel like God is peace. Wherever there’s peace, that’s where God is. I try to foster that and cultivate that in whatever I’m a part of. You can be seen as standoffish if you don’t try to get down with the crowd. I feel like I’m caviar. I’m not for everybody. Everybody doesn’t like caviar but the people who do eat it, love it. I try to unify women. We’re all women. We’re all on the same team. Let’s win games and let’s win life. Even across the leagues, it’s a job. When it comes to football, God puts the man as the head [of household] and you should let him lead. There’s no need for me to get into locker room rift raft. I’m unique. I’m about unity, exuding that, and making it a way of life.
LM: Anything else you would like to add?
NJ: If there’s any other women interested in that unifying concept, The Posh Mommy is interested in having them as a contributor on our website. Or, if there’s anything you’d like to sell, we’ll get it sold and give a portion of the proceeds to charity.
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-LM
Q&A with NFL Wife Tenisha Patterson Brown: "Nobody Understands How NFL Contracts Work"
My next WAG feature Wednesday is of the "fierce, fabulous and flawless" Mrs. Tenisha Patterson Brown. Tenisha and I were introduced through our husbands, who were drafted together in 2009 to the Carolina Panthers. As a woman of God, football wife, entrepreneur, and attorney, Tenisha is truly a well-rounded woman! I had to get a Q&A with this lady and pick her brain on life as a newlywed, business owner, and NFL WAG. She also shed some light on NFL contracts and football "sororities." Read the interview below.
NFL WAG Stats
Name: Tenisha Patterson Brown
Husband: Everette Brown
Husband is Rookie or Veteran: Veteran. Going into his 7th season (Carolina Panthers, San Diego Chargers, Detroit Lions, Philadelphia Eagles, Dallas Cowboys, Washington Redskins)
NFLWAG: Going on 7 years
Cities You've Lived in with NFL: Charlotte (I never moved)
Off Season Home: Charlotte
Favorite Food: Pineapples
Favorite Music: Ratchet Florida music
Hobbies: Traveling; I love writing cards (Hallmark is my favorite store); Blogging (www.fiercefabulousflawless.com)
Interesting Facts:I am a Sports Attorney and Business Manager for Professional Athletes. I created my own job title when I was in college because I didn’t want to be a sports agent but I wanted to help athletes. I created the position of Business Manager because I help athletes on the field as well as off the field.
It's not fun thinking that my husband may not live to the age of 60 because of the physicality of the game." - Tenisha Patterson Brown
Q&A
LM: Why did you agree to do this interview?
TPB: I think there is a negative image or perception of NFL wives and professional athlete’s wives in general. A lot of people don’t see players as real people...just fixtures in their fantasy football league. The media is so judgmental and I think there needs to be something positive said about athletes and their families.
LM: Where are you from originally and how did you get to where you are now?
TPB: I am from Tampa, Florida and I moved to Charlotte when I enrolled at Charlotte School of Law.
LM: How did you and your husband meet?
TPB: We met the day before his 19th birthday which was also the day before they started training camp [at FSU]. We both attended Florida State during our undergraduate years. His teammate, who was also a friend of mine, came over to my house because we were cooking but didn’t tell me Everette was coming. Everette had been trying to holla at me via Facebook for about six months but I wasn’t giving him any play because he was a baby. I later found out they had previously discussed and plotted how Everette would meet me. After that night at my house, we started dating.
LM: You and your husband are a part of the Seminole family. Talk about what it’s like to be a part of the FSU community.
TPB: Being part of the FSU community is nothing short of a blessing. I used to tell Everette all the time that if you take care of home, home will take care of you. FSU blessed Everette with an athletic scholarship and a chance to live out his dream playing football. Florida State blessed me with degrees and friendships and my line sisters. The university has continued to support us and our foundation. They constantly ask Everette to come out and do events. We are boosters and will continue to be boosters. We’re a part of the Alumni Association. We love Florida State. We really do. We love what it stands for. Once a Seminole always a Seminole. When we go back to FSU, we know there’s going to be someone looking out for us because we’re a part of that Seminole family.
LM: How long have you and your husband been married? How long have you been an NFL WAG ?
TPB: We’ve been married a year and a month! I have been with Everette since he’s been in the league so I’ve been an NFL WAG going on 7 years now.
LM: What are the pros and cons of being married to an NFL player?
TPB: That’s a loaded question. I’ll do the cons first to end on a positive note. One of the cons is the lack of job security. When you’re married to someone who is a lawyer or doctor they can work anywhere. NFL players have no control over their career – when it begins, when they have to move, when they’re traded, and when it ends. You have players like Tom Brady and Ray Lewis in the league but most players don’t have that opportunity. Another con is the injuries and the toll the sport takes on the guys. The average lifespan in the NFL is shorter. It’s not fun thinking that my husband may not live to the age of 60 because of the physicality of the game. Many people say, “Oh, they’re athletes and they don’t need to be paid that much!” If you risk your life everyday for someone else’s entertainment, you should be paid well too! One positive or pro for the lifestyle is that you get to experience a lot of things that you wouldn’t experience in a normal career. I see a lot of places and meet a lot of people. You get to interact with fans and have the opportunity to touch lives in ways that you wouldn’t if you weren’t in that position. Another pro is seeing your husband live out his dream.
LM: What is your love advice to all women and women inside the NFL? Is there a difference?
TPB: To all women – Love yourself first. Always. It’s God, you, then everybody else. If you don’t love you first and invest in yourself first, then you can’t fully love someone else. There’s nothing more beautiful than a woman who truly loves herself. I find that with many NFL wives they live for their husband as an NFL player so when their husband isn’t an NFL player anymore, they don’t know what to do. When the lifestyle stops, they don’t know what to do. Unfortunately, I’ve seen a lot of wives leave their husbands after the NFL. You have to have your own happiness in order for you to be able to love the person that you’re with. You gotta love yourself and be happy with who you are.
LM: You brought up the point about divorces in the NFL. I know that’s something we discuss in our household. What is the NFL divorce rate now? I know it’s high.
TPB: The statistic right now is that 70% of NFL players get divorced within 3 years of retirement or leaving the league. I do a lot of educating college football players on life after the league. Part of my program called College to NFL Transition Program instructs them on the transition from college to professional athletics and what comes with it. You see guys who marry women when they just get to the league and they’re on their high. Then when the NFL is over and the lifestyle is no longer there, she can’t handle it. You can’t handle it. You’re depressed because you’re not playing football anymore and she’s depressed because she doesn’t have the lifestyle anymore. I try to enlighten guys on the reality of what can happen if you don’t make wise decisions concerning your future.
LM: What are your hobbies? What are your passions?
TPB: I love to travel, see the world and experience new things. I love to help people grow. My passion is helping individuals to be better versions of themselves. I like when someone tells me their idea and seeing the idea come into fruition. I love seeing people do something they never thought they could do. I enjoy making people happy, giving gifts, and just doing nice things for others. It’s kind of ironic because I’m an only child and don’t like to share [Laughs]. However, I love making people happy.
LM: What do you think about all the coverage lately surrounding NFL players and domestic violence?
TPB: I think when it comes to domestic violence, the problem is the perception we as a society have on domestic violence and the perception there is on athletes. There’s a lack of care for the victim. In the Ray and Janay Rice incident, the video kept getting played over and over again. She could not go on about her life without someone making her relive what happened. Lord knows I don’t condone domestic violence and any man who does that deserves to be prosecuted to the fullest. I didn’t like all the questions like, “Why is she with him?” There is such a thing called Battered Woman Syndrome. It’s a real legal defense. Do I agree with his career ending? No I don’t. When you take away his career, then you have two negatives: he loses his job and a means to support his family. He didn’t deserve his career to be taken away. I think of it like this: if someone who’s a doctor hits his wife are you going to say now you can’t be a doctor anymore? You get your punishment and get your help. I believe everyone needs to follow the same rules. When you’re an athlete, you are held to a higher standard and sometimes it's unfair. The positive note in all the coverage is that the NFL started paying attention and so did other leagues. Husbands have abused their wives inside and outside the league but now there is some awareness. You have more organizations and people trying to mitigate the problem.
LM: Talk about what the NFL has meant for your family.
TPB: The NFL is definitely a blessing. We have been able to accomplish a lot of our business goals and dreams in a shorter period of time because of the financial aspect of it. One of the things we’ve had to do in our relationship is prioritize what the NFL means to us. My husband and I decided that it’s faith, family, then football. When football is taken away and he doesn’t play anymore, our family will be strong, our faith will still be strong, and we will just replace football with another occupation.
LM: Talk about some of those business goals that you and Everette have been able to accomplish.
TPB: One of the things my husband really wanted to do was become a franchisee. We opened a Tropical Smoothie almost 2 years ago in Charlotte, NC. We also had the opportunity to start Charlotte Luxury Rentals. With the rental car company, it started from nothing. There wasn’t an existing business plan. We had to create everything. We were able to do that because of opportunities he’s had in the NFL.
LM: What has being an entrepreneur taught you?
TPB: One of the biggest lessons I learned with entrepreneurship is that you have to do everything, know everything, and be willing to do everything. You have to deal with employees, vendors and clients. You have to manage accounting, taxes, government regulations, and do it well enough to be successful. That is a huge challenge. You have to grind it out. It’s not like okay we opened our doors so now people will automatically start coming. I have a greater respect for our businesses because we’re building it ourselves.
LM: What’s the hardest thing about being a restaurant owner?
TPB: Dealing with employees.
LM: Which business do you like better?
TPB: I love being a lawyer. I love creating my own hours. I love drafting. I love helping people create business plans and seeing them open [for business]…seeing everything come into fruition. I enjoy my company better. It’s my favorite.
Check out Tenisha’s company Definitive Sports Representation here
LM: What would you like people to know about you?
TPB: That I’m human and I go through the same struggles and challenges, and have the same desires and needs that everyone else does. I feel like it’s crazy that I have to actually explain that.
LM: What type of activities, specifically, do you do with your spouse?
TPB: We travel a lot. The last destination was the Cayman Islands for our one-year anniversary. We went to four weddings this year, three of which were all in a month’s time! We hang out with our dogs because we love our dogs. They are our babies for right now. We have two pit bulls – Coup is the boy, Carolina is the girl, and we have a Yorkie (Pebbles).
LM: How is that having a pitbull? They also get a bad rep.
TPB: We can’t go to the dog park because people start grabbing their dogs and being dramatic. We get upset about how people talk to us when we have them. They’re called a vicious breed which is sad because they’re not.
LM: What would you like people to know about NFL families or the NFL lifestyle?
TPB: Everybody doesn’t blow money fast. Nobody is making it rain in the club everyday. A lot of times people think because your husband is in NFL that they can ask you for money all the time. They don’t think you have bills to pay. We get asked for money all the time especially because we own businesses. Everyone always contacts us when they need something. Just because you have money doesn’t mean you have to live a certain lifestyle, and every NFL player isn’t a millionaire. The way taxes are set up, even if you make league minimums, the combination of federal and state taxes adds up to almost 50%. Nobody understands how NFL contracts work and how they're really broken down. It’s only guaranteed [money] if you’re on the team. If you’re not on active roster then that affects your life.
LM: You guys have been with several teams over the years so you may have a different perspective than I do concerning NFL women. Talk about what you’ve seen with NFL wives.
TPB: It’s different depending on where you go. Unfortunately, some women portray a certain image and it’s almost as if they push and feed into what’s seen on the reality shows like Basketball Wives and Football Wives [Vh1]. NFL wives are different depending on the team. Dallas has nice wives. There’s a hierarchy in Dallas though [amongst wives]. The Redskins wives are really nice and close. They do community service together every week.
LM: Is the difference in treatment a result of being a veteran versus a rookie?
TPB: If you’re a rookie, you’re a rookie. That’s going to be everywhere. It’s more the money distinction. When big money’s in the room, you know it. There are some who have big money [contracts] who don’t act like that but there are others who don’t associate with you unless you have big money too. That attitude also filters into the wives. If your husband is acting like that most likely you will too. Again, that’s not everywhere though. Julius (Peppers) was the big money guy here in Carolina and Jon Beason but they were so nice to us and great guys. But then you have players who are jerks because they have money and it’s stupid but it happens. It’s kind of sad because its’ like money shouldn’t make you but that’s what some people live for because its all they have.
LM: How do you go about changing some of those unwelcoming attitudes among the NFL women?
TPB: I don’t know. I think you have to create a more unified forefront that every wife wants to be a part of. I correlate the NFL wives society to a sorority. It’s a group of women with a commonality, all working towards the same goal. Then you have the cattiness that goes along with a sorority too. For me, I was discouraged in joining the wives’ groups in the NFL because I’m in a sorority. I remember what it was like to be a Neo versus a Prophyte in college. I obviously know what it feels like when you have to earn your way into a group out of respect. In college it’s different than when you are grown. When you’re grown, you don’t have time for the pettiness and girl fights. I’m really trying to live and be productive (not talk about Pinterest).
You can’t get mad at me because I can’t go to away games. I’ve had a wife look down on me because of that. We have businesses to run. It’s those instances that pushed me away from wanting to be a part of a wife group. Your blog is such a great idea because every wife is not the same. Every wife is not at home waiting for their husband to get home. Not every wife wants to stay home and have seven kids. Everyone thinks we workout, shop and take care of the kids…or really that a nanny takes care of kids. That’s not my life.
The only way it would change is if people stopped thinking they were better than others. That’s tough to change because so many individuals in society think that way. I’d like to compare NFL wives to army wives, only not on the same scale because being an Army wife is really hard. However, I think NFL wives should take time to help other wives in need like Army wives by meeting, having Bible study, and talking to one another. We need to have each other’s backs and have those conversations. When your husband is away and you have a newborn, how do you deal with that? It’s hard. Building a better support system for each other would be nice.
LM: Anything else you would like to add?
TPB: Athletes are real people.
Spoken like a true attorney...Well done Mrs. Patterson Brown.
-LM
