Capable of MORE than Comparison- A PREGNANCY JOURNEY

I have been so apprehensive about writing this post but I think it could be cathartic and maybe help someone else. I'm pregnant! Such a blessing but nerve-wrecking at the same time. You see, I already have a 15 month old daughter and she’s a handful. Do I have the energy for one more, the love for another, the patience for another? These were all questions racing through my mind shortly after the confirmed pregnancy.

It’s funny; Jeff and I knew we wanted another child. We discussed it, kinda planned for it, and BOOM prayers answered. He was surprised considering the timing yet still excited. He went about his day while my mind continued to plan 9 months down the road. 

After those initial thoughts dissipated, I began to criticize myself. I had such negative thoughts regarding my post- pregnancy body (yes, I was still calling it that), my laughable eating habits as of late, and my nonexistent fitness routine since arriving in Houston. One day, I am making excuses for myself citing the move, the vacation, Joy’s ability to walk, then other days I was on social media comparing myself to the graceful pregnant women that were avoiding maternity clothes, running marathons, eating vegetables and balancing their already full plates. I was in such a destructive place when I was supposed to be celebrating the incredible journey I was about to go on again and enjoying every minute I had left with my only child, Joy.

I know they say comparison is the thief of joy, but there is so much more to it— It had caused me to want to hide my pregnancy in shame. I had no problem waiting till the second trimester to share the news on social media because I refused to be in pictures for the first twelve weeks. Hence the reason I’m just now typing this at 20 weeks! I would run into old friends or acquaintances and make a deplorable joke about my weight gain. I would say, “oh, you thought I just got really big, don’t worry— I'm pregnant!”  I was so uncomfortable with my rapidly changing body that I was looking for ways to deflect.

My poor husband; he was so confused. He couldn’t tell if I was happy, upset, or sad. It was such a range of emotions that I just didn’t expect to experience this time around.

After I had Joy, my baby weight journey started with abounding optimism, followed by more reasonable goals, met with extenuating circumstances and exhaustion. Fast forward one year, here I am pregnant again hanging out with those 10 pregnancy pounds from before. I wrote this piece to let you know you're not alone. We aren’t all rubber bands that are going to bounce back immediately, if ever. Our family (now of 4!) was a priority and life is unpredictable. If we’re being honest, had I paid more attention to the clock I probably would have been more adamant about my workouts and diet. Hindsight is 50/50 right?

I have since come to terms with my bulging belly and am enjoying the tiny kick and wiggles of the Allen baby. I also made a decision to get some help! I am working with Leah Egwatu of fitfoodiele.com (@fitfoodiele) who specializes in pre/postnatal fitness. Our weekly sessions have done wonders for my mental health and wellbeing. I make better food choices and feel strong again. I would highly suggest committing to something during your second pregnancy that makes you feel strong. That might be walking every evening or doing yoga. It could also be continuing modified versions of your workout and fighting the strong urge to indulge in ice cream every night.

No two pregnancies are the same but if you find a way to take control of how you feel, you will reap nothing but the benefits. Find a new way to enjoy your pregnancy. The stronger I feel, the less concerned I am about that fact that I broke out the maternity pants way earlier or the shirts I saved from last time around are a little tighter than I remember. I don't obsess over weekly bump pictures though I still take them! 

I hope this helps someone that might be frustrated with losing the last few pounds, anxious about having another one or currently pregnant and loathing their swollen feet and soft tummies. We are all fighting struggles not documented on social media. Find your strength and carry on!  We are capable of so much more than comparison.

With Love,

Marissa Allen

Featured WAGS, Devi Brown: Power Player, Motivator, Mover & Shaker

“Often times once a woman is married, society treats us as though you are merely a sum of your husband’s actions and successes. I’ve worked so hard on my own for so long (that) I don’t want my life and career to just get pushed up under his umbrella of professional football.  There is plenty of room for both of us to follow our passions and shine brightly!” Devi Brown

Power Player. Wife. Radio personality. Media maven. Centered. Passionate. Ambitious. Gorgeous. Heart of gold.  All of these and more describe Devi Brown, wife of Houston Texans, Duane Brown.  Devi has built her entire career perfecting her brand; a brand that she's worked relentlessly to create and craft and with great success- be it behind the mic, in front of the camera or beside her man.

Name: Devi Brown (and in the radio world “Devi Dev”)

Husband/Team(s): Duane Brown #76, Left Tackle for the Houston Texans

On Devi:

What #hashtag describes you best?

#Adventure #Seeker #Resilient I know you asked for one haha but those three really sum me up as a woman. I look at life as an adventure and try to make every moment feel like one whether I am home in Houston or traveling abroad. I’m also someone who is constantly seeking to learn, grow and evolve. And like many women reading this, I pride myself in being a resilient woman. Someone who will rise no matter what life throws at her.

Where are you originally from and how did you get to where are now?  

I was born and raised in Los Angeles, California. That’s also where I started my career while in college (go CSUN!) at radio station 93.5 KDAY. I grew to where I am today by never taking no for an answer and always looking to evolve in my career. I started like a lot of people in radio by landing a couple internships and just grinding it out until it turned into real money and always seizing opportunities. That internship at 18 eventually led me to being an on-air personality, music director and TV host with a couple cross -country moves to work in New York City and now Houston.

On NFL Life:

How did you meet your Husband?

Well, if you let Duane tell it, he was listening to me on the radio and really liked my voice which led him to look me up online and try to meet me. He popped up at a birthday party I was having and introduced himself.  A few weeks later he asked me out to A Tribe Called Quest documentary that was in theaters and we were kind of inseparable after that. We ended up getting engaged within three months and married a few months after that. Life moves fast! Haha.

Tell us about some of your fondest NFL/WAGS moments?   

I’ve really enjoyed the atmosphere that our owners create for us in Houston. The McNair’s and the Texans staff are really phenomenal people with huge hearts. We have a lot of fun together and they promote and create an atmosphere of major community involvement. Recently, we had some bad flooding in the city and they stepped up by making huge donations to the victims and gave us a really beautiful opportunity to get out and serve the people of Houston at one of the shelters in an area where people were hit the hardest. That moment meant a lot to me. Another not-so-happy but really meaningful moment was this past season when my husband got injured. I was hysterical in the training room after they carted him off the field with a torn quad and I'll never forget seeing Hannah McNair, one of our owners, literally run to me with tears in her eyes and wrap me in a tight hug. Everyone there rallied around us and for weeks, sent food to the house and lifted our spirits with visits and messages. We felt really blessed!

Behind the Brand:

Who is Devi Dev and is she the same or different from Devi Brown?

Devi Dev and Devi Brown are one in same, Devi Brown is just the 2.0 version that has been able to branch out into different areas of media and philanthropy. I’m ready to merge my personal and professional passions. Some of my friends and long times listeners were like “Oh No! What is happening to Devi Dev?!” after I changed my social handles and website but, I’ve been explaining to people that even though I understand the brand equity I’ve built up in that name- I’m also ready to broaden my horizons outside of the hip hop radio world and using my real name is a long term investment.  Plus… the core of each is still DEVI and as far as I know I’m the only one that goes by that, haha! I think slowly it will all fall into place.

What are you most proud of in your career?

I think this moment in time is what I’m most proud of. I’m taking the time to really evolve my brand, drop the things that I’ve outgrown and celebrate and push forward the things I’m really passionate about. These include: impactful conversations with artists and entertainers, spiritual journeys and women’s empowerment.  In this last week, I launched my new self-discovery platform "Karma Bliss" which I am really excited about! We are a lifestyle and retail brand centered around connecting people with the tools needed to grow and stretch their inner selves. Over this last year I became certified by Deepak Chopra's Chopra Center to teach primordial sound meditation. I knew last summer after having spent a few years going to retreats and seminars that I deeply wanted to connect young professionals and busy women with an outlet to help them start some internal dialogue and become centered. We all spend so much time investing in our careers, families, and spouses that sometimes we are not making those same deposits into our spirits. I'm so thrilled KarmaBliss.com is now officially live and I hope you check it out!

How do you balance your own identity/brand/fans with your husband’s equally successful career?

Thankfully, it’s actually pretty easy. What we do is so different that it allows us to really be fans of each other and to stay in our own lanes. He’ll listen to me on the radio as he goes through his day and of course, I’m at all the games cheering my heart out. It works out pretty good fan wise too because he has fans that may not have been familiar with my show but now because they love him they have become loyal listeners of mine. The reverse of that is that I have a reach outside of Houston, where people who may not have been fans of the Texans or familiar with Duane are checking for him and supporting what he does.  We do a lot of events together but I also try to keep a healthy distance between my brand and his. I want people to still be able to relate and identify with me for the work that I do and who I am individually.  Often times once a woman is married, society treats us as though you are merely a sum of your husband’s actions and successes. I’ve worked so hard on my own for so long I don’t want my life and career to just get pushed up under his umbrella of professional football.  There is plenty of room for both of us to follow our passions and shine brightly!

Tell us about Power Play Women, your program that you started to serve as a mentor platform for young women entering the industry?

So as we speak I am launching a foundation called “The Devi Brown Project: Moving Women Forward” which is where I will be funneling my mentorship work in place of PPW. I’m really excited about this project. Mentoring ladies in media is something that's really important to me but my workload doesn't allow for me to do as much "one on one" stuff anymore. With this foundation, it gives me the chance to not only continue to share what I’ve learned but to also bring other successful women on board to do the same. Our Mission: The Devi Brown project propels women to fulfill their potential and empowers them to pursue their dreams. Our Vision: The Devi Brown project does this by providing women with capital and business resources, education and vocational training, and networking and mentorship opportunities.

On Devi 2.0:

What do you know now that you wish you knew “then?”  This can pertain to NFL Life, career, personal etc.

I wish I knew to be gentler with myself and to trust the universe more. To be present. That you are the only one who can give yourself peace. When you’re dream chasing-you tend to put A LOT of pressure and inner criticism on yourself. When I was getting started, I did so much of that. Looking back now I realize how many beautiful moments I missed and how many opportunities I did not appreciate because I couldn't get out of my own mind. If I had the inner peace THEN that I have now….Man! But then again, everything unfolds in the time that it’s supposed to.

Have you arrived?  If not; what’s next?

I don’t think I will ever think I’ve arrived because I want to do so much more and reach so many more people. I definitely work hard but I find myself always thinking of how much harder I should be working. I want to find ways to foster deep connections between media and its consumers. I definitely want to grow more in television. I previously hosted an ensemble talk show for MTV which was an incredible learning experience and recently I’ve been doing fun stuff with the morning news team at Houston’s CBS affiliate. After working primarily in music- driven Hip Hop radio the past 10 years, I’m working now to transition into more talk-based radio. I'm looking to do more writing and mindful work as well.

Featured WAG Melody Carr-Supermom, Superwoman, Superstar

MCarrFamily

This week's WAG Feature Wednesday is with a woman who I found as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside: Melody Carr.  Melody is the very awesome, Christ-centered, super mom of four and super wife to one handsome QB of a Husband, retired NFL Vet David Carr.  Melody is the mother of three children with juvenile diabetes and a committed champion to helping to provide the healthiest lifestyle possible for her family while shedding light and love into a platform that she may not have prayed for but, God knew she was prepared for.  PS: Don't believe in her superpowers?  Check out her video below! Name: Melody Carr

Player/Team(s): David Carr/Houston Texans (#1 overall pick in 02'), Panthers, Niners and Giants

Kanye or Carrie Underwood? Carrie

Ice Cream or Potato Chips? Chips

Yoga or Spin? Spin

Manicure or Massage? Manicure

Interesting Fact: I am the nurse in my house. 3 out of 4 of my children are diabetic and David was just diagnosed as well so I am a Full-Time nurse. That’s all I’ve got for now!

Where are you originally from and how did you get to where are now?

I am from Bakersfield, CA and was born and raised here, David was too. We ended up back in Bakersfield because both of our families are here so when he retired; we wanted to come back home.

How did you meet your Husband?

We met in high school at a church “winter camp” and we started dating right away (like as in the next weekend when we got back home). Our first date was technically, Valentine's Day. How sweet is that? After high school, David went to Fresno State and I went to a community college nearby. We got married right away and six months later, we got pregnant so before you know it, I was working FT and being a mommy. Financial Aid doesn’t go but so far, you know?...!

Tell me about your day to day?

Having four kids and especially having three diabetic children there is always something randomly happening during my day. Today for instance, I had a Parent Teacher conference with my high school-er. My husband now owns two gyms here in Bakersfield and that is kinda his thing. He trains QBs out here so I am also at the gym a lot. I definitely spend my days “on call.”

What are your fondest WAGS memories?

Oh, my goodness. We were lucky to have been a part of several teams with some really good ladies. The NY Giants ladies were the sweetest! Every time the boys would go away to games, we made an effort to invite everyone to go out to dinner and it was the best experience for me. Anyone was welcome and everyone was welcome (girlfriends, fiancées, wives-all of us.) No one really understands what we are going through no matter how we share it with our family so their friendship during that time was very special to me.

Mel&David

What is the hardest part about being a NFL Wife?

Having kids is really difficult. I was taking them out of schools, finding a new house, finding an area that has good schools, locating new doctors, new sitters and new friends. This doesn’t even include talking about the friendships that you lose (while moving)! I learned about that right away during our first few years in Houston in training camp. I really enjoyed meeting all the new girls and was heartbroken a few weeks later when those same ones were gone. Luckily, the NFL is so small that you switch teams and run into old friends again so even though you are leaving it's always one big family. This was one of the primary reasons why we moved back to Bakersfield because we wanted to be near our family and our roots are here. So during the offseason we don’t have to move the children around as much. It ended up being such a blessing because “this” is home. When we lived other places during season the children treated it almost like a big vacation, which was pretty cool too.

Mel&Gracie

What are you passionate about?

I always wanted to work with kids somehow and my original plan was to be a teacher but God had other plans. We were married young and got pregnant right away so my kids have been my primary focus. David and I are both very active in two youth groups where we live and it’s been the biggest blessing to me. We get to go on trips with the kids and it is such a great experience to be able to minister and just be there for them. Growing up, my youth pastor was my rock and I enjoy being able to be a friend and a mentor to our youth as my Pastor was for me growing up.

What do you admire most about your Husband?

You know, I admire that he’s always the same person. He’s a Godly, Christian man and that doesn’t change or waver so you are either on board with that or not but you know what you are going to get. I’m so thankful that my kids have such a Christian father in their lives. I hear stories from the parents of the kids we are working with in youth group about the impact he is having on their lives. David's brother Darren is the head coach for a local high school in Bakersfield (our hometown) so when Darren became head coach last football season, David jumped at the opportunity to help.  David is the OC and what's great is our oldest son gets to play football for his dad and uncle.  Coaching HS football takes a lot of patience but David is enjoying being able to mentor these young boys!  As for me and the rest of my family, we are loving cheering for my son, David and their team under the big Friday night lights.

Being a Mom, so rewarding but filled with lots of surprises. Tell us about your motherhood journey?

Trying first to raise my now teenage boys correctly and by God’s word is already a struggle enough. With social media there are so many challenges now that we didn’t have to think about so I often ask myself, “do I allow my son to be on snap chat or do I read his texts?” But, each child is different and each accepts discipline differently so having learned that was helpful. Having diabetic children on top of everything else adds a whole new dynamic. Mr. & Mrs. McNair, (the owners of Houston Texans) helped us by funding a research for us (Editors Note: While David was in Houston, the Texans Foundation planned to donate $25,000 a year over the next three years for juvenile diabetes). This was so helpful in helping me to discover our platform. We can’t help but think that we are in this position to help others. We all know social media is one of those places that helps you to connect with people you wouldn’t otherwise meet. There are days where I’m not at all trying to be inspirational about having had to stay up all night with one of our children who was not feeling well but the next day I will get messages from parents whose children are also diabetic.

What word describes how this makes you feel?

Grateful. Grateful is a good word to describe how I feel. One thing I noticed when David was at the Giants after we won the Super Bowl and out of all the people that were talking to us is that while everything was great, it actually wasn’t until David was released that people were vocal about their journey. They had been watching how we handled those (limelight) moments.  These specifically, were the times that I felt most grateful to be in our very unique and special position where we can share our experience and bless people in our own way.

Well, now for something less rigorous; a fun question for you. Show us the answer to “I am the only one in my home who can ___!” Lights, Camera, Action:

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